I was...

“I am awfully greedy; I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books, to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish… You see, it is difficult to get all which I want. And then when I do not succeed I get mad with anger.” ― Simone de Beauvoir

I was, as any normal teenage would be, a mess. In all honesty i wouldve just answered this with the quote from above because that perfectly captures me at the start of this year. I love this "question", it really makes me think about how much ive changed over the year and yada yada yada. However, to understand how much ive changed this year i should probably explain last year me ( its pretty cringe worthy i used to be straight.)

not so tragic backstory, i moved here from Florida something literally everyone i talked to knows that because i implicitly state it. I was probably one of the most indifferent and apathetic you could meet for the first semester because i basically hated everything to do with my move here and i was just being a pain in the ass/ angsty teen. Because of this i would get in to "debates" aka me just ranting to any one about something that i believed strongly in with everyone- and i do mean everyone (just ask Mrs. Hicks) now thats like half of my not so tragic backstory that you didnt ask for.

in short, at the start of this year i was a mess. i had no where to go but no real reason to stay. i was lost figuratively and literally. spiritually, emotionally and physically. i was angry and i was honestly not ready to face life and adulthood even though i kept telling myself i was. i cant say that English with Mama G has shown me how to not be the bitter gay person i am but it has shown me to just let it be. i had a pretty firm grip on what i life and living meant to me but that changed this year not by a lot be enough to give me a different understanding on life. in short i learned how to understand life and what it would bring.
Thanks Mama G and thanks to everyone in IB, the last two years have been interesting. Good luck to everyone.

" Why,now i shall know whether there is anything in you, (something i cant decipher)
i shall see how much you can stand
perhaps
i shall see the crash -is all then (illegible)?"

this is kind of interesting because it shows how Whitman is thinking through this point. it is noted that this was during a period where Whitman is writing out a "fake conversation" with Abe Lincoln. interestingly enough this poem or small part of the conversation is something i can see being said at some point to the president during the civil war. more importantly something said while the Union was losing.
it is later said that he asked in the poem if all is lost. this would be a him asking lincoln if the reason they are fighting is lost. he is asking Abe if the people of the union will see the whole thing crash and burn basically. which is kind of a slap to the face but considering his brother was/is going to be injured in the war (AND if Whitman was as gay as i think his male companion who is rumored to be peter doyle aka peter the great he also was apart of the war both physically and then later as an blacksmith who helped make weapons and all, which took a toll on him mentally and physically but i might just be Gay-baiting)

What also catches my eyes are the drawings at the end of the notebook. they look like they are of Whitman himself. they are all portrait style but towards the end they become more and more cartoonish in a way, meaning that his features become abnormally big or small and he starts to resemble someone from a political cartoon. However the one that is most interesting is the harp. Harps are the symbol of peace and serenity or the symbol of music. music is something that is universally understood and widely appreciated. however Whitman uses it as an emblem of poem meaning that poetry also corresponds to peace,serenity and music; which is universally understood and widely appreciated.

'Merican Dream

1. How would you describe the “American Dream?”

The American Dream is by definition the equal opportunity every US citizen has to benefit through hard work, dedication and initiative. In my opinion that sounds like a corny thing you say when you're trying to seem like you're a team player. The American Dream in my opinion is the ability for anyone to live the life they want to live with hard work, dedication and equal opportunity.

 

2. What is your definition of wealth?

There is two different types of wealth, material wealth and spiritual wealth (i sound like a total hippie i know). Material wealth is having more stuff. more money, more expensive stuff, the newest and greatest stuff you get the point. Spiritual wealth is when you filled fulfilled with your decisions and all. good state of mind and well being and all. 

3. What are Americans’ attitudes toward wealth and poverty?

wealthy is the way to be. everyone strives to be wealthy. its gotten to the point where we disregard and disrespect people who work in fast food or retail business; "because if they wanted to have a livable wage they should have gotten a real education." and regardless of if it was someone who is in poverty's fault or not we just shrug it off and dont try to help them. 

4. What is your attitude toward wealth and poverty

i think wealthy is a great aspiration to try and achieve but i dont think it should be anyones main focus. i also think we should stop dehumanizing people who live in poverty because in this day and age there isnt much they can do to get out of poverty. 

IOC Yikes

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B4kkDJ0cjZIxRHVucldpRnBjS00/view?usp=sharing

Criterion A: 

4- i know the book obviously because ive read it but i panicked and know it sounds like i looked it up on shmoop 5 mins ago ( i didnt but it sounds like that)  

Criterion B:

like a 2 i dont know. im terrible at annotating and i get what shes trying to do but i am not good at explaining it

criterion C 

2, there is some organization but i would lose track of myself

Criterion D

maybe a 2, probably too generous. im not formal but i dont sound like im talking to my friends either 

Ive Got You Covered...

 

The first image is depicts what the role of the clones are. It shows the vital organs that they will donate, but it doesn't have the heart. The heart would be what symbolizes them as "Human", since clones arent believed to have souls ( and its kinda hard to depict a soul through drawings). The body contains the vital organs in barbed wire fences, giving the title a new meaning. Literally being dont let go of your organs, dont conform and never let go of yourself. 

The second pic looks like a young girl, more than likely Kathy. It looks like one of the scenes she would have described in the book, like the rhubarb patch or so. Its a "typical" book cover, a young girl sitting in a field, But there is kind of an underlying darkness because you would know if you read the book that that girl would not be "typical" and that field that shes in is either Hailsham or somewhere near the cottages or so. 


1) What are the first words that come into your mind when you see this image?  What does it make you think of? 
Sickness- since its the body that has its organs showing, the barb wire could either be the fence keeping them trapped inside or a fence keeping something out?? 
Summer- that looks like a cliche Chick-flick promo that has a terrible Hetero love triangle with badly thought out life decisions

2) If you hadn't read any of the novel, what would this image make you think the book was about?  Now that you've read the novel, what kind of relationship(s) does this image have to the text?  
If i hadnt read the novel the answers for number 1 is what i would think the book is about. But now that ive read the novel i know that the first cover is the organs that the clones have to donate, the barb wire fence is symbolizing that they are supposed to be caged in to be protected and that the clones are only livestock 
 
3) Who seems to be portrayed?  From whose viewpoint are we looking?  
the second cover seems like it would be Kathy H being portrayed as a teenager in a field somewhere on Hailshams property. this would kind of give a face to the narrator of the story. the first cover would be from the clones perspective, basically stating that they are all once again livestock fencing off their bodies to protect the organs that they will one day donate

4) Does this image spark any ideas about the cultural construction of the book? 
The first cover that i have up there is what the culture in the book is really about ( the take these clones and use there organs  for the "real" humans). These clones will only ever know about giving pieces of themselves away that is what their culture is. the second cover is the culture that Hailsham and the humans that run the school want people to believe is true. The want the clones to believe that they have this great Chick-flick Lifestyle where everything goes great and there is no sickness or pain in the world. these two covers are show two very different images on the cultural construct of this book. 
 

Baby

5.  How is Barbara Stanwyck’s character portrayed in this film? What type of angles is she shot in? What type of lighting surrounds her? Is she a good, likeable, moral person? How does she interact with and treat Fred MacMurray’s character? What does this tell you about the way that women were viewed in the 1940s?

S     Barbara Stanwyck's character is portrayed as a desirable house wife, right off the bat. She is introduced in only a towel, her hair is nice and she has her makeup done. When she comes down to meet Neff, she is trying to persuade him right after hearing he was insurance salesperson, only so that she can get money from her husbands death.

                                                                          Everything about her is supposed to be alluring, the cameras follow her movement and her focus on her figure. In terms of lighting she is lit up, the lights focus on Barbara's features to make her more attractive to the viewers and to Neff. Neff and the other characters are kind of "in the shadows" which shows how Phyllis has more control of the outcome of the movie than the others.                                                                                                             Barbaras's character defies how women really were portrayed in 1940, women were suppose to be "decorations". they were just pretty, delicate pieces for men to take advantage of. Phyllis is intelligent, witty and insensitive to the feelings of other people, which is not how women were supposed to act like in this time period. at first she seems like a moral and likeable person, only concerned with her husbands health. however it becomes more apparent that she is using Neff to seek benefits from the death of her husband. all in all Phyllis is portrayed as a desirable house wife who is trying to seduce the insurance salesperson with intentions to use him (and ultimately his manhood) to kill her husband.